For When You Feel Like You've Failed...

Have you ever felt like everything you thought would work out a certain way is falling apart and now you're having to start afresh. Maybe you even have so many unanswered questions and regrets, and feel so low that you don't know what to do next or have the strength to take any step even if you knew, for the things that were once clear are now blurry. I also don't know what it is you've failed in and whether that failure is actual or perceived but I bring a message of hope because those feelings you feel indicate that the process of restoration has begun and you're on your way out of this phase even if you don't feel like it. It’ll only get better from now on and I have some words for you in the meantime. Is it ok if I share?

Sometimes we say we’ve failed because our plan didn't work or work as we'd hoped. This eventually makes us believe that we’ve been taken off our ‘expected’ path....(you know the one we wrote and directed in our head) and have now been forced to take an ‘alternative’ path as a result of the “failure”. This is also why I believe we fear failure when venturing into new fields because we feel that if things don't go the way we expect, we have failed and we'd be diverted from the path we expect.

First point: failure can be the very driver to your destination it just may not fit your current expectations. You see when things don't work the way we expect, it opens up another new avenue we probably didn't know much about, where we learn new lessons and gain new experiences and acquaintances. Also, it may not necessarily be true that our initial expectations won't come to pass because we've now found ourselves on an alternative path and not our expected path, for destinations in life are often a culmination of different paths. Sometimes, this alternative path leads us to where we were heading initially and other times it may not, but either way, it’s all valuable in the long run and the experience helps us become a better version of ourselves if we choose to see it as an opportunity for growth. Yes, this alternative path could be the consequence of our irresponsibility or carelessness but even consequences can birth blessings because a currency called mercy exists and all things, not just our expectations and hopes, all things including consequences can work together for our good!

That brings us to the second point: please don't allow the weight of your mistakes make you minimise or forget the impact of your right decisions. I need you to be aware that although you may have taken some things for granted and made mistakes, there were also times in that process no matter how few, where you did well, where you paid the price, where you tried again. Don't slow down the process of your restoration by dwelling excessively on the thoughts of how much you've failed and all the opportunities that you've now missed out on. Failure is an event that reflects that there was an inability to meet a certain standard or expectation and this is one of the reasons why it is possible to succeed after failing like we’ve heard from inventors and visionaries, because inabilities can be influenced by developing the required capacity. This emphasises the third point: the area you've failed in doesn’t have to remain that way, it can change for the better.

It can change because failure can produce valuable by-products if its raw materials are fermented properly, just like what grapes are to wine. By “fermented properly” I mean, extracting lessons from our mistakes and taking the necessary action that turns those lessons into blessings. This is why I refer to the negative feelings we feel after “failing” as raw materials because they draw our attention to the issues that need addressing and the truths that need embracing…that may have contributed to or resulted in the failure. Our awareness of this and the reflections that follow, serve as a wake-up call that motivates us to improve, humble ourselves, draw near to God and learn how to depend on him. These are the valuable by-products…the improved version of ourselves that we’ve evolved into that is now closer to God, stronger, more resilient and more aware of our strengths and weaknesses. In fact, for every event of failure, we’ve gained an experience and testimony that can be used to inspire others and impact lives…another valuable by-product.

Recovering from failure is often not an easy or linear process so it’s important to please show yourself compassion as you process your feelings and also take things one step at a time, especially by focusing on things that are within your control. I also know the tone of this post is quite general as it’s difficult to apply a one-size-fits-all approach to specific scenarios but irrespective of what it is, the real failure is when you stop...when you stop believing, trying or moving on. Whatever is appropriate. You may pause but please don’t stop. God can restore and my life is living proof so I don’t say that as a cliché but as a lived truth. You are not a failure so please don't let the events of failure you've experienced make you a slave to your mistakes. You are bigger than those events and divinity dwells within you. I believe you can get through this with God on your side, that’s why I wrote this post to remind you. Stay encouraged and let this post be your sign that there is hope and victory on the other side of your courage to believe, try again and embrace new opportunities. I’d be rooting for you :)

Take away points:

• You don’t only let yourself and all you could be down when you stop, everyone else that is also associated with your life and calling would be impacted. It’s too expensive to stop…

• You are a vessel of value and even the events of failure you’re experiencing/have experienced can’t change that except you allow it…so don’t allow it !

• Reflecting on your mistakes or areas where you could have done better or used another approach can provide you with invaluable information that would help you in further developing your capacity in that area.

• Please read the lyrics to this song if you have some time, it came to mind as I wrote this

Resources:

• In the resources section here, you can find blank journals to help you express your thoughts and feelings and also an affirmation journal which has an entire chapter dedicated to the subject of restoration amongst others.

Image credits:

• Images by Luca Nicoletti, Nick Nice and Keagan Henman

• Chart created by author